John H. Sklare, Ed.D.
If you paid attention to the news last week, you probably saw the story involving the northern New Jersey honor student who sued her parents for financial support.
Rachel Canning, 18, voluntarily moved out of her parents' home because she reportedly didn't want to abide by their rules. They stopped all financial support. The teenager wants them to continue paying for her high school tuition, living and transportation costs and continue contributing to her existing college fund.
She's currently back home; the judge refused to force the parents to pay for her private high school education. She remains, however, on her parents' health insurance plan. The parents were ordered not to touch her college savings account.
What prompts me to write about her today is the vulgar and disrespectful phone message she allegedly left for her mother last week. After I relay that message to you, I'll share a very important lesson to learn from this. Here is a transcript of the anger- and hate-filled message:
Hi Mom. Just to let you know you're a real [expletive] winner aren't you? You think you're so cool and you think you caught me throwing up in the bathroom after eating an egg frittata. Yeah, sorry that you have problems now and you need to harp on mine because I didn't and I actually took a [expletive]; I really just wanna [expletive] all over your face right now because it looks like that anyway. Anyway, I [expletive] hate you and, um, I've written you off so don't talk to me, don't do anything, I'm blocking you from just about everything, have a nice life. Bye, Mom.
It pains me to read this emotionally volatile message from a daughter to her mother. But it reminds me of one of my guiding principles in life. I suggest you use this unfortunate situation with this family as a teachable moment, and that you keep the following lesson in mind the next time someone you love or care about makes you upset or angry:
You can never take back something you say, but you can spend the rest of your life apologizing for it. Words can cut deeply and do very real emotional damage. I'm sure there will come a day when young Rachel wishes she hadn't reacted with such anger and never said those words to her mother. At least I hope so. Unfortunately for Rachel, it's too late to erase them from her mother's ears, mind and heart.
Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
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